Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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