also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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