i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
