yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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