: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
