One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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