I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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