i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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