you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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