Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
