Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
