shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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