sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
