People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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