this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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