but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
