i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
