I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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