We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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