I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize