he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
