I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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