we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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