i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
