It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
being pregnant is like rehab
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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