Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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