I got chris browned last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
