I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
