I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
