ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
