Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
