Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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