Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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