look no pants
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
