I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
