I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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