also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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