how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
