Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
