Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
