A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
