So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
