Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
