My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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