Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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