I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
