My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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