my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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