If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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