I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you had me at cake vodka
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
