I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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