Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
