I feel great
I just peed on a car
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
