it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
