My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
