We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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