i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
