she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
