So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
