his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
