dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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