yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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