I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
