I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
