He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
