White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
